Wider Than A NYC Skyline

Okay, so lets get one thing out of the way, I do not have one of those cute, perfectly round baby bumps. Mine is more elongated and not at all cute. I look more like I had a few too many cookies at dessert rather than 16 weeks away from having a baby. My mom tells me I have baby bump envy, it's the truth. So many cute baby bumps out there and mine is not one of them.

Also important to know,  I HATE spending money on myself. In fact, I rarely do. Even if it's something I need I will fret and pace for a good half hour before I eventually put whatever it is back on the shelf and walk to the register without it. So the fact that I've been forced to spend money on new clothes, well, lets just say it's been a struggle. 

Anyways, with all that explained, I finally gave in and visited a few store in search of maternity tops and leggings. There were two major problems with nearly every single store I visited.
 
1) They had a limited selection of maternity clothes to choose from. I'm talking a rack maybe two, and they were very unorganized or a complete disaster to sort through. Forget trying to match sales signs with merchandise. 

And...

2) Nearly EVERY SINGLE piece of clothing was striped!!! Horizontal, make my hips look wider than a NYC skyline, stripes. 

Now I remember sitting in the living room watching television shows like "What Not To Wear" with Stacey and Clinton, and I explicitly remember one of their major rules being NO HORIZONTAL STRIPES. Unless, well, you're one of the insanely lucky few who can stand to look a few pounds heavier or need a little shape to your skinny. I have always been a curvy gal, well endowed on top and well endowed behind, I don't need any accentuation in any of those areas. 

I kick myself for being surprised that finding maternity clothes is a chore. Despite having what my mom always told me was an 'hour-glass' shape, nothing ever fit. Jeans have gaps bigger than the Grand Canon and tops that fit the girls are too loose around the middle and end up making me look like SpongeBob Square pants. Honestly, these are probably the exact reasons why most of my High School wardrobe consisted of sweatpants and hoodies. Clearly I was not popular for my sense of fashion...or at all...I was a nerd, a nerd with a controlling boyfriend, and a love of books and writing. 

But seriously, why all the stripes? I know I may be among the few women who do not enjoy being pregnant, but I can't be the only one that doesn't want to look wider than I already am! Can't we just have some cute printed tops that don't scream Beetle Juice or Where's Waldo?! Hell, I'll settle for some print flowers or even something corny like little hearts! Just give me something, anything besides a rack full of stripes!  I refuse to walk around looking like tiger for the next 4 months.