My life was never meant to be ordinary…or at least that's what I thought.
I remember telling my parents that I would never be one of those people who sat in a cubicle farm, from 8AM to 5PM, doing the same thing day in and day out; a work day drone if you will. I couldn't be one of those people…my mind is too creative; it yearns to be free and cages only make me restless and miserable.
Now, almost 30 years old, and a new mother, I've found myself looking in the review mirror and wondering where on gods' beautiful green earth did the last 10 years go? And how did I end up working the exact kind of job I swore I would never settle into?
Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore my husband and I couldn't be any prouder or excited to be a mother (especially to such an awesome little girl) but those are really the only two pieces of my life's puzzle that I'm truly content with. The rest have square edges whereas my puzzle is round.
I don't wake up in the morning excited to get to work. I don't feel the sense of joy I always thought my day to day life would bring me. Living a life where my passion not only gets to breathe and thrive, but it also supports my family, seems no more attainable than the Wicked Witch being the fairest lady in the land.
But I know it is. I've seen other people do it. So what's my problem?
Security. Comfort. Routine. SAFETY.
Monday thru Friday, 8 AM to 5 PM, is a guaranteed paycheck. My time in exchange for a deposit of funds into my checking account on a bi-weekly schedule that guarantees nourishment in my daughters' stomach and a warm, comfortable roof over her head. A means to pay back suffocating student loans and provide some simple pleasantries. SAFETY.
There's fear in stepping outside the norm to chase dreams that may never come to fruition, but what if I don't try and the life I always thought I'd have is just a "try" away. What if the life that allows my passion to sore and my bank account to remain positive, is just within a fingertips reach? I owe it to myself to try…don't I?
Here's the thing: I've thought about this on and off for years, but there's one factor in my life that has caused a tremendous change to not only the day to day going-ons of my existence, but to me as a person; my daughter. I now have the single most important reason to be the best person, the best mother I can be and that means not settling for comfort simply because it's safe.
How am I supposed to raise her to chase her dreams with vigor and thirst, if her own mother sat complacently just watching her life pass her by like a hungry lion watching a heard of antelope without catching dinner? That would make me a hypocrite…I don't want to be a hypocrite. I want her to be able to look at her mother and have the best example of determination and gumption right in front of her; even if that means I try and fail. Trying is better than "just getting by" or settling into a job, a life, that's mediocre because its the easiest thing to do.
We've all heard it, "if you set your mind to it, you can be anything you want to be." Well, I want to be a writer and I am going to chase that dream no matter the outcome. I'm reaching for the stars so my daughter knows how.