Being pregnant means there are a TON of emotions that run through your body in a single day. I can go from feeling pretty perky and upbeat to flooding the Sahara Desert just a few moments later. It's like picking a ripe apple only to take a bite and find out it's totally sour and disgusting.
I always thought I'd be the pregnant chick that was able to rationalize my emotions and remind myself that "it's just the pregnancy hormones," but while I do find myself making mental notes regarding my emotional status, rarely are they effective in bringing my annoyance meter down or raising the flood gates after the damns have been crushed. It’s like someone unleashed a pride of hungry lions into a field of unsuspecting antelope; once the need to quench their hunger sets in, it’s hard if not impossible to pull the lions back. Though from what I've been told, the roller-coaster of emotions is normal when your body is preparing for the birth of a little girl. Little boy, not so much of an emotional plunge. Go Figure!
Lately, it feels as though even the smallest tasks, like going to the grocery store to get milk, might as well be a hike up Mount Everest. Don’t get me wrong, I get my butt in gear and get it done, but I’m not too thrilled about it and you may want to avoid me if you see me mucking through the store like a G.I. Joe on a mission. You likely won’t be greeted with the world’s friendliest of “hellos.” I almost feel as though I should wear a flashing sign that reads "BEWARE. Raging pregnancy hormones." Ya know, like the signs you see on people’s gates that read "BEWARE - GUARD DOG."
Even little things like the parking spot at our local grocery store that's designated for pregnant women or persons with small children; first of all, it's NEVER available and secondly, the gentleman (I use that term loosely) who I witnessed getting out of his giant pick-up truck was neither pregnant nor was he accompanied by any small children, or any children at all. Thankfully for him my energy meter was at -10 so he was spared the wrath of a real pregnant lady. Plus, I rationalized with myself that I didn't actually NEED that spot, walking does everyone good so suck it up buttercup and motor on!
But I think the biggest emotional hurtle is dealing with all the emotions and thoughts that come to mind when thinking about all the things in your life that are about to change. No longer will I be able to make a random stop at Target on my way home from work just because I feel like it. No longer will I be able to just take a snooze on the couch, curled up with my pitty because I'm tired or had a crappy day. No longer will the hubby and I be able to just plop in the car and motor over to our favorite restaurant for dinner because neither of us feel like cooking or deciding on a meal. And what about the dynamic of our marriage? Will we survive? Will he love me less now that he has a daughter to dote on. What if I can’t lose the baby weight? Does he even still find me attractive? Will every girl who isn’t his wife, who doesn’t have a baby, suddenly be more appealing?
Rational or not, these are all thoughts that have run through my mind...more likely than I would like to admit. Pregnancy absolutely takes its toll. Not only physically but emotionally, too. The closer we get to our due date, the more anxious I grow; thinking of all the things we still need to get done, all the things that are still unanswered. So when they say having a family changes everything, they aren't kidding. In fact, things start changing long before the little bundle even arrives!