I am so beyond frustrated.
This nightmare HAS to end. I have so little left in the tank. I am going to stall out and no one is going to be able to jump start my battery.
I finally put my foot down last week after yet another blood draw where my HCG levels still had not decreased appropriately. The doctors office called and my doctor, yet again, wanted more blood work the following week. Enough is enough.
My D&C was October 28th, it’s been 4 months. I asked for the doctor to call me.
When the doctor did call he received more than an earful from me as obviously leaving work to fall victim to Dracula’s needle wasn’t yielding the necessary results. His reply, “well what do you want to happen?” I nearly lost my sh*t.
“What do I want to happen? I want the pregnancy from HELL to be over and I want to move on with my life. My miscarriage was in OCTOBER it’s now FEBRUARY!!! I want to not have to go for blood work every week.”
“Well, what do you want me to do?”
Insert highly annoyed and agitated chuckle, “I have been doing some research online. Given the length of time that has past, is it possible the tissue has calcified and will need to be surgically removed?”
“Yes, it is a possibility. We can check with a saline flush. Do you want to try that?”
In my head I am thinking, “You're the doctor!!! You get paid well into six figures! You tell me!!!!”
What actually came out, “I think we should.”
My appointment was scheduled for that day. Results showed I should have a doctorate and a six figure paycheck. The tissue was still there…just chilling out like it belonged; reeking havoc on my life and making me every bit miserable.
No apology. No explanation of why he hadn’t ordered the saline flush sooner or why he hadn’t even brought it up as an option until I pressed the issue.
I was directed to come in for more bloodwork the following Sunday and depending on the results (which we all knew what the results would be) start birth control in an attempt to retract my uterine lining as to limit the possibility of damage during surgery. Surgery would be in 2 to 3 weeks.
Late Monday morning I received a call letting me know surgery was scheduled for Friday, March 4th at 1:30PM. I was to arrive early for post-op procedures. Schedules were rearranged and my husband and mother made plans to be at the hospital with me.
Finally, the cloak had been removed and the culprit identified. We have a plan and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. JUST KIDDING!!!
Tuesday morning rolls around and I receive yet another voicemail from the doctors offices, "This is **** calling from the doctors office to confirm your surgery date for Friday, March 18th."
Um...the 18th? That's over a month away?! What happened to Friday, March 4th?
Call the office back...apparently the person who called me the previous day had made a bad judgement call and decided to tell me the date in which the doctor had requested but not yet secured with the hospital. According to the nurse I was currently speaking with "this kind of mistake never happens" and she has no idea why I was told the 4th at 1:30PM. Regardless the 4th was a no go.
I was one wrong word or phrase away from losing my bananas and asked the nurse to have the doctor call me as the 18th was unacceptable and this whole situation has gone on long enough.
Magically, about a half hour later, I received a voicemail from my doctor. They shuffled schedules around and surgery was all set for March 4th. GOOD!!!! My doctor wanted me to call him back as there were some procedural things he wanted to explain or reiterate.
*Shakes head. Deep Sigh*
"Hello doctor, It's Bri, you asked me to return your call?"
"I just wanted to reiterate that surgery needs to take place within 3 to 4 weeks to allow the birth control enough time to be effective. Uterine tissue tends to be very vascular and we don't want to do more damage than good. I'm not trying to postpone or prolong this experience any longer than it has already gone on, I just want you to understand there is a timeline that has to be followed. Ideally your body would have discarded the tissue on its own, clearly that is not the case."
I am sure if he could have seen the look on my face at this point, I would have resembled something that looked like a cross between an angry blow fish and an irate orangutan with an undoubtedly red face.
"I understand there is a timeline that needs to be followed, that is not where my frustration lies. My frustration lies in the fact that my miscarriage took place in October and it is now February and I am still dealing with the loss of this pregnancy. I am frustrated with the fact that had I not pushed the issue last week of repeated blood draws that yielded no useful information, I would be having yet another blood draw this week and probably next week. I am frustrated that it took me pushing back for you to do a 10 minute procedure that showed exactly what was wrong and provided a path for a solution. I am frustrated that this has been going on for so long and the only person who seems to care about getting it taken care of is me even after you told me "we won't let this go on forever" 2 months ago."
"I apologize for the delay and manner in which things have progressed. I did not do your original D&C which has resulted in this situation but we will get it taken care of on the 4th and get you on your way to trying again."
"I realize you did not perform my D&C but you were my aftercare physician and the remaining tissue could have been addressed weeks ago when I started complaining about the lack of change in my HCG levels had you performed a sonogram or saline flush. Thank you for the call back, I will see you on the 4th."
What I have learned from this experience; you are your own advocate. No one cares more about you and your well being than you. I knew weeks ago that something was wrong and I pushed back a little but I never saw my gut feelings through.
All I can do now is wait and hope surgery goes off without any hiccups and things will finally come to a close on this chapter of our life. I know everything happens for a reason and I may look back on this and be thankful for this experience but at this point I am ready to toss a lock onto this diary, throw away the keys and catapult this chapter into a fire.