30 IS NOT THE NEW 20

I turned 30 a few days ago.

Where in the actual F did time go? Seriously? Wasn't it like yesterday that I turned 21?

I'm not one of those people that proclaims the entire month as their birthday month & spends their nights in a drunken stupor. I like quiet, uneventful birthdays spent with family & friends. Plus, my birthday falls during the time of the year when most everybody is over celebrating; Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, & in my family a slew of birthdays that fall between November 30th & February 2nd.

I spent the day with my husband & daughter who took me to Sturgeon Point Marina to collect more rocks to paint. The crash of the waves & the solitude of being at this makeshift beach, which was completely deserted, was not only calming, but it led to some much-needed reflection on the significance of the day.  As my daughter napped in the car with her father, I thought about all the ways in which I've grown over the last decade.

My 20's were eventful, as I think most peoples are. There were a lot of highs, & a handful of downs, but all those transitions allowed me to become the person I am today. Marrying my husband was one of the happiest days, but losing our first baby was the lowest of all my lows. My 20's were a decade of wonder, self-doubt, self-exploration & figuring out who I wanted to be & what I wanted to do with my life, but they were also filled with a lot of confusion.

The most impactful event of my 20's was the birth of my daughter, Shelby, which subsequently brought about the most significant changes in who I wanted to be & what I wanted to become. Don't get me wrong, becoming a parent was one of the most stressful & anxiety-ridden times of my life, but becoming Shelby's mother brought more clarity to the things I was still questioning about my life than I would have thought. I became more confident as a person, as a woman, and most importantly as an individual. I know some women feel as though they lose a piece of themselves when they have children, but I feel exactly the opposite which is somewhat ironic because until I met my husband, I wasn't even sure I wanted to have children. Funny how life works.

Thirty is not the new twenty. At least, I hope not. While I enjoyed my 20's, I'm looking forward to living life with this new found confidence. I'm looking forward to not feeling as though I'm part of an enormous rat race of individuals looking to be the most popular, or the most successful. I just want to be comfortable & happy. I just want to be myself regardless of what others might think of that person because I know now not everyone is going to like me & that's perfectly okay.

So, bring on the dirty 30...which hopefully means a cleaner house?