“A million words would not bring you back, I know because I’ve tried. Neither would a million tears, I know because I’ve cried.”
I am 1 in 4 and today is his birthday.
I am part of the 2% of women who experience late term miscarriage (13+ weeks gestation) and today is my due date.
No one understands why some women miscarry and others don’t. Some doctors even consider miscarriage part of the natural reproduction process as most miscarriages occur during the first trimester, sometimes even before the mother knows she’s pregnant. However, there are those of us who experience late term miscarriage. We’ve heard the pitter patter of a little drumming heart. Seen little legs and arms running a marathon. Bonded with the life growing inside of us. But one this is for certain; miscarriage, no matter when it happens, is devastating.
Even though we have a beautiful baby girl now, I will never forget our angel baby and the days that were supposed to be anniversaries will always stay with me. There will always be pain associated with the loss, for the life I had already planned for him. The “what ifs” and “could-have-beens” will likely continue to float into my mind, but it’s okay. I’ve come to accept that if we hadn’t gone through the loss of our child, we wouldn’t have been blessed with the birth of our daughter. We are lucky, very lucky. I know there are those who are still waiting.
So today instead of feeling sad, I am choosing to celebrate. Celebrate the little girl whose smiles light up my world. I’m choosing to be grateful to our angel baby for choosing his precious baby sister and sending her down to us. I’m choosing to remember him by cherishing every single moment I spend with Shelby. Every smile, every giggle, every diaper change and every feeding is a complete blessing.
We are lucky. We are blessed.