Vacation Instructions

In the rare occasion that my husband and I go away I always find myself composing exceedingly long and detailed instructions for the care of the pack, feline and canine a like. Its not until I sit down to formulate these instructions that I realize just how much energy goes into having a house full of fur. 

The below post is an exact replica of the instructions I left for my best friend Jen, and my mom. Enjoy and I hope these give you a chuckle on this bleak Wednesday afternoon! 

Cafeteria Protocol for the Finken Fur Kids

The pack normally eats Breakfast around 7AM (earlier is fine if you have to leave for work- Massey won’t mind…in fact she will probably want to come live with you because she would prefer to eat at 5:45AM or 6AM or whenever she feels like it) and dinner around 7:30PM-8PM (Massey’s previous family must have installed an internal alarm clock for feeding and waking, the pitty princess will let you know when it is time.)

Winnie and Massey get the blue bowls and Little Dude the white dish (give me a break we’ve only just decided that he’s staying so he doesn’t have any real doggy dishes yet) and Milo gets the glass baking tray (he is our least favorite so we make him chase his food…just kidding, he chokes on his food because him and Massey have competitions to see who can not taste the kibbles the quickest.)

Massey, Winnie and Little Dude eat in the kitchen while Milo whines and complains on the other side of the gate. Little Dude eats on the table (I know, I know) away from the big dogs because Massey is a kibble thief. She will inhale (literally, I don’t think she chews) her food and try to make a beeline for Winnie’s dish. Winnie is a push over and will surrender her food over to her sister without issue, so watch Massey and keep her mouth in her bowl licking morals of the food she never tasted and away from Winnie.

Once the (3) little piggy’s have finished their portage and rice they leave the kitchen and Milo comes in, gate goes back up. You need to add about ½ cup water to his pan for the enzymes to start working and his pan needs to sit for between 20-30 minutes “cooking” to produce his mush. He will likely complain the whole time and be careful not to leave the pan too close to the edge, he WILL flip the dish onto the floor.

While Milo’s food is being turned into baby slop, the other 3 will be waiting to go potty. Make sure you watch Winnie…she will chase butterflies, observe birds and basked in the sun but forget to pee. Sometimes if you tell her to go potty she listens. If you don’t see her pee and need to leave put her in the kitchen, otherwise you will likely come home to a very stinky house and a wet spot on the carpet closest to the brown recliner. It’s a B to clean up and smells awful. Also, watch Little Dude, he’s only escaped once but his big brother likes to flop the brick out of its position in an attempt to “free” the Little Dude like the movie “Free Willy.” We tried explaining to him that, that’s not how it works but he still tries. Little Dude will likely spent 10-15 minutes squirting 2 or 3 droplets of peepee on every spot that has been previously soiled by someone else…including bugs. You might have to intervene and wing sling him (carry him with one arm under your armpit) to get him into the house.

I have separated their food out into baggies so you don’t have to worry about portions or mixing Milo’s concoction of meds. 

Night Time Bunking

When the moon rises the hooligans awaken and think its play time, use the CAN! Most times they will behave after a few corrections or just boot their furry butts outside to get the ya-yas out. When it comes time for bed it’s up to you how you want to handle sleeping. Spooning or no spooning you are going to at least have a very warm, 100 degree pitty in bed with you and a very small, furry Little Dude underneath the covers, likely at the foot of the bed. Try not to kick him. J You can choose to let Milo and Winnie in the bed or you can banish Winnie to her closet and Milo to the crate. Just for clarification, Winnie likes the closet…she’s the one that dubbed it her “room” hence the orthopedic bed and blanket in there for her. Milo might fight you a little but he will go into his crate with persistence and a pointed finger, if he argues use the CAN!  

Feel free to turn the air on if you’d like and don’t forget to leave the bedroom door open a sliver…you will likely have a feline sleeping companion as well and she will bang on the bedroom door if you attempt to exclude her from night time snuggles. 

You don’t have to worry about anything relating to the cats. I have filled their food and water dispensers and they will be good for a few days until Grandma gets there.

WARNING- If you hear what sounds like two cats ripping each other apart, relax. It’s just Trinka having a cow because Izzy looked in her general direction or tooted and the wind rustled her hair. Trinka is a Bitch and VERY moody. She loves to be petted but DON’T pick her up. If you do pet her and you feel as though you have sufficiently dispersed enough pets and she disagrees she will try to grab you so be prepared for the swipe of a paw. She also talks a lot.

The rest of the feline squad- Kitty, Luna and Izzy will likely keep to themselves though Luna can get curious sometimes and might stare at you…until you become uncomfortable and shew her a way.

  FYI’s:
·         Please make sure to keep an eye on the dogs (Specifically Massey) when they are outside. We have only had one brief encounter with a deer since the fence has been up so we aren’t sure if Massey can fly or not yet. The lead is outside under the patio and the anchor is still in the ground if you want to put her on it if you can’t watch her for some reason.

·         Don’t forget to feed Ish and Boo! A few pellets a day.  Fishy food is in front of their tank. There is a light on the tank if you feel inclined to turn it on at night, if not no biggy.

·         There are two gates in the hallway because little dude will crawl underneath the one closest to the backroom and make a snack of Trinka’s cat foot or poop in the basement in a litter pan.

·         When you come home, sometimes it’s easiest just to go in the front door. That way you open the door and the herd comes out without trapping you in the hallway.

·         They drink water like it’s laced with candy so I am constantly checking and refilling them. There is also a water dish in the bedroom next to the nightstand.

·         WHATEVER you do, DO NOT go in the spare room. The lockness monster lives in there and is a total slob.  Seriously, don’t go in there. I know you’re tempted to look, but don’t. ha ha 


Love, 
A very overprotective, worrisome, missing her fur kids fur mom.